But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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