chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Little spoons don't ask big questions
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
