So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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