omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
