Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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