when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
