i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
