To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
