Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
