Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
