I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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