I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
