you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
