I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
