Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
