Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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