Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
