Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
