puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
