Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
