i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my being single is dangerous.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
