Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
