...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
