..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
