I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
