My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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