oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
