I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
