I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
