I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
where am i from again
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sarcasm needs its own font
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
