Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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