NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
