dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
