"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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