so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
