i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
