Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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