please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
