do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
