I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm passing your future prison.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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