I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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