My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
