I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
