u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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