Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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