you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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