Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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