I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
