Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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