:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
