so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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