considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
